Hot Mess

Hot mess. I'm borrowing that terminology from my sis-in-law because it seems to perfectly describe exactly how I've been feeling lately (like the last 4-1/2 months).  Losing weight has been, well, a losing battle. I'm really not trying to lose a lot of weight, but I know I would feel better if I could lose anywhere between 15 and 20 pounds.  The problem is the scale keeps going up instead of down.  I know I've cheated and had an occasional soda here and there, and yes I've had a few pieces of Easter candy out of Ella's basket and could probably stand to change my diet a little more drastically, but I have been exercising and I have changed my diet to where I am eating better without starving myself. I like to eat 3 meals per day. I feel worse if I skip a meal or eat hardly anything at all.  I've tried more smaller meals throughout the day, but struggle even more with that.  As far as exercising goes, the only thing I enjoy doing is walking, which really worked well for me last time I wanted to lose weight, the body ball and my free weights. I use the elliptical we have, but that is rather boring to be honest, and we only spent $50 on it, so you really do get what you pay for. I still try to use it when I can't get around to doing something other form of exercise, but would prefer not to.

I had an appointment for a small run-in with a wine bottle to the eye and for my lateral epicondylitis last week.  During that appointment the doctor asked how my thyroid was doing. I explained to him how my back and face have been breaking out really bad and how my menses are really off schedule. I told him I thought it was hormones and he seemed to agree that it was hormones and not my thyroid levels. But now it has me wondering. The thyroid does control certain hormones and with knowing that, it had me wondering how my thyroid was really doing; so I hopped onto Mayo Clinic to read up on hypothyroidism once again. I filled out a profiler to evaluate the symptoms I am experiencing and how it may be related to my thyroid problems. After doing this, it tells me that it sounds like my dosage is too low. So now I feel like I should have maybe discussed more of the symptoms with my doctor to see if I needed to have my blood tested again. I do have an appointment with my other doctor next week and may bring it up to him.

I just can't help but feeling blah, which in turn makes me grouchy, which in turn makes me feel guilty when I get short with my husband and my daughter. I'm really just tired of having to take the thyroid medication on top of 3 others I have to take, which can get complicated because you can only take them within a certain time frame of each other or they don't work properly. I'm always fatigued/tired, anxious, can't get to sleep no matter how tired I am, keep gaining weight instead of losing, no longer have a regular cycle,  have a hard time remembering things unless I write them down, always cold, have joint pains and aches and can't concentrate. I'm back to square one prior to my diagnosis. I'm a hot mess.

Update

Here's an update. I have been walking at least 3 times per week for 30 to 40 minutes at a time, doing the elliptical 1 to 2 times per week for 30 minutes at a time and trying to do some weight training and the body ball each night.  I have only lost 4 pounds, but I'm getting there.  I originally wanted to lose 15, but later changed it to 20.

Today I noticed that my jeans are fitting a little loose and my gut's not hanging over like a muffin.  I do notice a change in the appearance of my stomach, although it is far from what it used to look like.  I wonder now if it will ever look like it did.  I guess we will just have to see over the next 30 to 60 days.

I expected to be at square one when I started working out again: only able to do cardio for 15 minutes before wanting to totally quit and not being able to lift more than 2.5 pounds when doing arm exercises.  I basically was able to start where I had left off 4 years ago.  That helps to motivate and push me to do more, although it is not always possible with a near-three-year-old always at your feet.

I have given up pop pretty much all together. The last one I drank was at our niece's b-day party.  I pretty much drink water now. Occasionally, I put in a splash of lemonade to give it some flavor, but it still tastes pretty much like boring 'ole water.  Tried to drink iced tea more, but I can't handle the caffeine that often.

So here's to the rest of the 16 pounds. Hoping to lose at least 10 in the next 6 weeks.

My Little Friend

Say hello to my little friend. My new weapon. It was recently added to my aides in losing the last 15 (or 20...it varies week to week).  I finally replaced my balance ball. Can't do sit-ups or crunches without it. It saves me from getting the low back pain I get when working out on the floor.  I did my first sets yesterday and am feeling it today. It's a good pain though. It tells me something is working. No pain, no gain. Right? Right! Now my legs are going to be feeling the pain later after my 35-minute power walk I did earlier today. Actually, my knee joints are going to be feeling the pain.  They already feel it.

I'm now down 2 pounds since I last blogged this topic.  May not sound like a lot, but it's a start and I'm happy it's going down and not up. Now only if it would continue to go that direction until my goal is reached. Can't wait to get there.

Discipline

Discipline. That's exactly what I need (in more ways than one). That's exactly what was in my horoscope today, not that I believe in them, but it kinda fits my situation. My big situation. The Last 15 has been bumped up to the Last 20. That's right.  I need to lose an extra 5 pounds now. I give up drinking pop (except for the one (or two) glasses I "accidentally" drank at my niece's b-day party two weeks ago) and gained 5 pounds. Whoa! Go back! Wrong Direction!  I don't really get why I couldn't have at least lost 1 pound, but I guess a big part of it would be no discipline.  No official plan. Not stickin to it. Well, better late than never. I will be doing something today whether it's walking, the elliptical or one of the many fitness DVDs I own. I will start making that meal plan to get rid of the Last 20.  I've set a goal. I've made a plan. I'm stickin to it. It's all discipline.

Horoscope

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/22)

Make a plan and stick to it -- the day does not reward flexibility. You can discipline yourself better than most, though, so don't worry if your people start to flake out or drift away.

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The Last 15

The last 15. That's what's left. It may not sound like a lot, but for me it is.  If I could lose that, I would be back to my pre-Ella weight. I originally started with needing to lose 30 pounds one year ago November, but have only managed to get down 15 of the 30. I am now trying harder to get rid of the last 15.  If I can pull that off, I know I'll feel better. Plus I have a full closet of like-new clothes waiting to be worn once again. 

My new aid in this journey: the elliptical.  I have only managed to use it once per week for 30 to 60 minutes. That's not going to work.  I am now vowing to use my new aid a minimum of 30 to 60 minutes, 3 times per week. I have other aids I plan to use in conjunction, but the elliptical has been most successful for me in the past. I've now cut out pop (well down to on-occasion) and my favorite chocolate treat.  I'm back to eating the not-so-tasty-but-better-for-you foods.  I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I know it's going to take a while. Afterall, I didn't put on all of this weight overnight.

So here's to a new me, once again. And here's to the last 15.

Hello new 'friend.'